UGH

Today I just want to hide my face and be left alone.  I feel like a cheese grater on the inside!  Sick of it!

Mourning the Loss...

of my marriage.  I have struggled through some really tough months.  I have allowed chaos to enter into my life and pretended that it would eventually go away.  Truth is, it's here, alive and well. 

I have no answers.  I have no way to fix what is broken.  He is unwilling to do much of anything but drink, drug, and drink some more, and he expects me to live in this hell with our children.  He does not understand why I have looked into retaining a lawyer, and I do not understand why he continues to do what he does.  There is help, and he doesn't want it.  He wants to do it his way...and his way hasn't worked at all.  His way has gotten us to this point, and his way has hurt everybody in our home.  I can't be real and honest in any place but here.  I don't really want to talk about it with anyone. 
I want my life back.  That is all I want.  Everyone wants to chalk whats going on around me to postpartum depression!!  HELLO??  If your spouse was drinking, drugging, lying, cheating, stealing...you would be freaking depressed too.  Quit trying to direct attention elsewhere.  DEAL WITH THE REAL FACTS!