An Explanation

So, I thought I should explain the explanation of my blog.

This of course has been one of those profound moments in my life. That moment when I found myself really feeling like my life really did have purpose and meaning. The moment when I realized that everything hard or trying made up who I am. They say- Character is Destiny. I think each day we all do the best that we can, and sometimes- in the eyes of our fellow man, our best just isn't good enough. I'm not trying to validate poor behavior, or excuse bad choices- I'm simply saying that my poor behavior and bad choices have really been stepping stones towards change and growth in my life.

Every mistake I have made at one time seemed to be bleak and pointless. I was living my life in remorse over them. At some point remorse bit me. I had given up. I didn't care to even try. I just wanted to do what I wanted to do, and be left alone by everyone around me. Separating myself from the people who love me; and robbing myself of several oppurtunities in life. So to sum that all up- I was hopeless.

When I became aware of the reality of my situation- I found out that I was the PROBLEM. It was me that ultimately made the decision to seperate myself, and give up trying. It was me that was going to bed every night miserable. I had nobody to blame. With this kind of insight, you either go on to the bitter end......or you do something different. I chose to do something different. Each of those mistakes, those hardships, choices- that seemed to be bad, turned out to be good. They were lessons. They were direction. A handbook of sorts, of WHAT NOT TO DO. So they had thier place. They had thier purpose. If I had not made those mistakes, I would have kept wandering around like an automaton. So my troubles being the pointless black dots, have really made me who I am today. I love myself today. I love my life today, most importantly, I love the realization that the little pointless, dark, bleak dots....really make up a beautiful picture.